I feel like nights like this happened all the time. Our arguments were always different but the emotional abuse always seemed to stay the same. He drove off so fast, I didn’t even get the chance to try and stop him again. I unresponsively watched “I love you, you’re the best happy birthday” fall to the ground. He got into his car and threw the letter I had wrote him. “That’s why we fight because you always have to act stupid and complain about something, you’re annoying.” I tried handing him the letter I wrote for him for his birthday, and he told me that it wasn’t the time, he didn’t want anything from me. As he opened the door to leave, I stand there and under my breath I tell him “don’t leave me please babe” Tears started falling down my face heavily, “I’m sorry!” I said again, but he just kept pushing me away. I followed him to the car letting him know I didn’t want to fight. He pushed my hand and took my head off his shoulder and said “nah, I’m not trying to deal with your shit right now dude, it’s my birthday weekend and your ruining it.”as he started walking to his car. I just honestly missed you and I wanted to spend time with you.” I grabbed his arm and put my head on his shoulder begging him to forgive me for what I had said. Don’t take it the wrong way I’m just trying to tell you how I feel, forget what I just said, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ruin the night. “I can never have a good time with you dude, you ruined my night, you always do! You always have something to complain about Selma damn at least I’m here right now!”īy now he was really angry and had his back turned. “You’re always doing this, “he mumbled, his tone becoming more bothered and serious. A couple minutes pass, holding my breath, I wait for him to say something to me. “I wish you would have told me before instead of having me wait like an idiot, and plus we made plans and you chose to go with your friends.” I said, disappointed. He looks over and smiles at me and says, “Babe I had so much fun, I wish I could’ve stayed longer”. He replied to me with “sorry, I went to go ride quads with my friends and I lost track of time”. I go outside my house and we sit on a bench, I look over to him and asked why he took so long. he finally texts me he’s outside waiting for me. I don’t doubt that he’s leave me hanging on his birthday, it’s something he would do. I thought to myself, “he always does this. It was the night before his birthday and I laid in my room watching the clock on my phone. But my standards have changed, and my self-esteem has grown. Yes, I admit I am a victim of forgiving too often, giving endless chances, and overlooking the bad traits in a person. You validate, rationalize, and sweep issues under the rug because “this is just what happens in relationships.” I constantly have asked myself “Have women lowered their standards? Have I lowered my standards when loving someone? “Let me just start off by saying it was never my responsibility to shape or mold a “man”. This environment has started to be normalized by people, they don’t recognize how unhealthy it is. Many people have been around negative, unhealthy, toxic behavior and to some extent, tried to normalize it. But love can also be destructive and mentally exhausting. Depending on peoples own experiences on love, it gives everyone different kinds of emotions. Love is one of the most beautiful things we can discover within ourselves and give to the world. As we grow old, our perspective of the world is altered by our own experiences, motives, and maturity. Love never fails.” Often times we look back at a certain point in our lives with regret. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
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